How to Survive Valentine’s Day

Photo: Wikimedia

Rashida Otunba

  • Quarantine yourself: This is the day when couples walk around unabashedly expressing their illness love for their significant other in all forms of PDA. You must be prepared to quarantine yourself in order to avoid them. Go to Walmart right now and buy all the ramen noodles, soup, milk and bread you can to prepare yourself for the upcoming Valentine’s Day weekend.

  • Gain sustenance: Nutella now officially qualifies as a major food group. Eat it shamelessly in large quantities. I’m talking spoonfuls upon spoonfuls, people. Just shovel it in.
  • Stick to the buddy system: While you’re happy for your friend that’s practically engaged who lives for David’s Bridal’s Spring Collection, you must develop a close bond with your fellow singletons and develop your plan of escape at the annual Valentine’s Day party.
  • Stay away from social media: Instagram and Facebook are the hubs for nausea-inducing statuses. Unless you want to find yourself in the back of your closet rocking back and forth in the fetal position, I suggest you disconnect from the online world until Monday.
  • Mourn your non-existent love life: This Friday, we wear black.
  • Watch a horror movie: If it’s any consolation, every couple in a horror movie meets their untimely end within the first thirty minutes. Congratulate yourself. You are a survivor.