EIP students – people think you’re stupid because you couldn’t get in with Georgia Southern University’s admission standards, but I know that’s not true. You just like to party.

I should probably be giving you advice on how to pass EIP, but I think you’re smart enough to figure that out on your own. I was once an EIP student. I was young, crazy and skinny. People are going to tell you that this is your one chance to get into a university and make something out of yourself. Don’t listen to them.

Like you, I wanted to meet new people and have a good time. So, that is exactly what I did. This is your one opportunity to go out as much as you want and still pass all of your classes because I promise it’s not going to be that easy in the fall. And if you can’t hang now what do you think you’re going to do when you get accepted into real college?

You’re going to have so much fun here, and for those prudes who want to stay in and study for ENGL 1101, you’re living up to your stereotype. These classes are a breeze and you will never take another college course that is this easy. Your professors are going to tell you that it’s hard, but there is no reason for you to make a grade lower than a B as long as you just go to class. Yeah, it’s that easy. Just go to class. Go have fun. Go crazy, but go to class.

Yeah, that line at Rude Rudy’s y’all got going on, I’m not going to be apart of that. You should be though. You’re going to be able to brag to all of your friends’ senior year about that time you went and you were like sooooo wasted, off of one drink. Just don’t go home with that dirty senior you were bumping and grinding on for an hour.

Yeah, I know what you professors are thinking. I’m a drunken college student giving terrible drunk-college-student advice, but live and let live, and in EIP you should be living it up. So raise a glass and get crazy off of one drink. This is going to be your cheapest Plaza night in your entire life!