Snacks couples like to eat during Valentine’s Day to rub their happiness in your face.


Kenneth Lee

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Snacks couples like to eat during Valentine’s Day to rub their happiness in your face.
Is it speculative paranoia or hard research? You decide.
Written by Kenneth Lee

Romantic candlelit dinners, hand holding, warm smiles and laughter. Is it really eternal love or are these just activities that couples concocted on Valentine’s Day to smugly rub their relationship status in front of you? Unfortunately, I’m afraid it doesn’t end there. Couples have found a new way to mock your singlehood during this unearthly holiday. They’ve figured out how to use delicious and affordable snacks to further promote their passionate love affairs in your face.

Chocolate: Chocolate, it encompasses everything that’s able to make a human being feel whole. It’s the perfect substitute for love, intimacy, and genuine human connection, which is why couples have taken it upon themselves to snatch this snack away from us. They can’t stand the sight of someone being single and happy, so they’ve successfully altered Reese’s Cups into the shape of hearts and Hershey Bars into kisses. Chocolate just doesn’t taste the same anymore when it’s in this vile form.

Pringles: The creator of this salty snack eventually dated, formed a relationship, and committed to marriage. It’s also no coincidence that “Pringles” has the word “single” hidden inside it. Way to rub it in bro. Couples have followed his lead in droves and used this tasty treat to showcase their supposed superiority by buying and eating Pringles in public as a “snack.” They’re crushing and devouring the crumbs of your identity and single status one chip at a time, and all you can do is watch helplessly.

Steak: Once upon a time ago, a steak used to stand for something important. It used to embody masculinity, virility and independence. Success used to be measured in scars and steaks. Now, steaks are just another tool used by couples to publicly parade their happiness, and no amount of A.1. Sauce can reverse the damage done. Couples have somehow transformed and disfigured the connotation of “steak dinner” into something romantic.

Strawberries: Listen here couples, you don’t get free reign to categorize anything that you can dip in chocolate as a Valentine’s gift. That’s practically everything. Yes, strawberries go great in chocolate. Yes, chocolate covered strawberries are a really sweet and sexy gift. I agree, they’re great to have at picnics and fancy fondue parties, but should they really be labeled as romantic?
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