A home cooked meal: Luckily, groceries in Statesboro are relatively cheap. You can buy enough stuff to make a pretty solid dinner for five of your closest friends. I mean, who doesn’t love food? But wait, let’s be honest: you probably don’t cook. Take them to Beaver House or Cracker Barrel. That’s sort of home cooked food, right?
The last of your meal plans: Wrong. Plus, those places are expensive for a struggling college kid who literally just blew their paycheck on something dumb like “Fallout 4.” You could take them out for a fancy dinner at Landrum. Granted, if you aren’t a freshman the dining halls are kind of lame.
A cookout tray: Here we go. A solid heart attack in the form of three greasy delicious entrees. Bae will love you for this. It is scientifically proven that if you buy someone cookout you are both drunk and happy. Also a cookout tray is over $5 but if you love them then you’ll pay it.
A cheap Pinterest project: Pinterest is a great way to realize just how bad you are at following directions. Save yourself the glitter and heartache and maybe just draw them a nice picture. If you trace your hand, you can make it look like a turkey. Isn’t that neat?
That money you owe them: Looking at you Erinn Williams, managing editor of The George-Anne.
Nudes: Not your nudes, their nudes. We both know you have them on your phone. Print them out for your friend and get them framed. This is our prime, remind them how rockin’ their bod is. Sure, they’ll be creeped out and probably never talk to you again, but deep down they’ll be disappointed.
A rock: I gave up but like rocks are pretty great. If you draw a face on it then it can be sort of like a pet. If you cuddle with it, you’ll discover that it’s cold and lifeless just like your cuffing season relationship.
A raccoon: I saw one next to Lakeside the other night and it was pretty friendly. I mean, I didn’t pet it, but it was cute. If you can catch it, you should give it to your friend. If it turns out to be tame then you gave them a cute new pet. If it’s rabid, well I’m sure that friend had it coming.
A copy of The George-Anne: It’s free and you’ve already got it. We make great wrapping paper. Added bonus: you can play “find the typos” with bae. Every time bae finds one, give them a kiss. We don’t actually have a copy editor right now, so you’ll be kissing a lot.
The blood of thine own enemies: That’s right. You heard me. Buy a super cute glass vile glass vial from Hobby Lobby, fill it up to the brim, and give it to your bestie. I’m totally kidding please do not do this. Love yourself.