I shouldn’t have done it, I should have turned off the TV and gone to bed like I said I would, but I just couldn’t. I reluctantly turned my television to the channel it rarely sees: MTV. The VMA’s were just starting and I sat back to watch the carnage begin.
I wouldn’t classify myself as a hipster, but I don’t listen to 90% of what was being played last night. I listen to show tunes and alternative shit and I also enjoy being a smart ass, so keep that in mind as you read this play-by-play of the classiest awards show on television.
In the beginning, there were butts
My anaconda was actually kind of terrified when Nicki came out of that bush. Yes, the “Bang Bang” performance was good, yes I enjoyed it, yes I was disappointed that there were no snakes during “Anaconda.” Also, Nicki had a wardrobe malfunction that she played off by giving herself a hug through the ladder part of the fierce trio belting “Bang Bang.”
Things got Illumi-Naughty
Nothing can compare to Miley’s twerktastic performance last year, but with that butt-filled opening I think things came fairly close. Let’s be honest, I only really wanted to say Illumi-Naughty. This year was actually fairly tame, minus Beyoncé’s bootylicious “Partition.”
There were some upsets
Since when is Lorde rock?! Excuse you, MTV, I think Arctic Monkeys had that one in the bag. I can totally picture them in the back of the theater lighting a cigarette when her name was called, calling her something along the lines of a “bloody shagger” and angstily leaving the theatre.
Also, did Katy Perry really deserve that award for Best Female Video? Really? I’m pretty sure Beyoncé was all on that award like liquah.
Most WTF moments
Miley’s charitable donation, though a nice gesture, was kind of odd. People were either blowing up twitter (#blessed) or sporting the same look Katy Perry and Sam Smith were during perhaps the most iconic camera shot of the year.
Taylor Swift’s dance moved will forever be on a “WTF” list. I did however love her performance. It was quirky and funny. At the end of the night, I was personally thankful that Lorde didn’t dance.
Jay Pharoah pretended to be Kanye and, to be honest, I thought that he actually was Kanye, and I wasn’t surprised one bit.
Beyoncé took the stage
I was disappointed that Queen Bey allowed an entire awards show to open her concert. She was good, fierce and everything else you would expect. I personally loved how she handled the rumors of her and Jay Z’s divorce: a passive aggressive video to my personal favorite song on the album (Blue). Let’s be real, little Blue is having a perfectly normal childhood (not). She also gave me nightmares with those weird angel/demon things at the very beginning of the performance. I was taking a sip of my tea when I looked up to find Satan’s late grandma staring into my soul.
Video of the Year: Miley Cyrus- “Wrecking Ball”
Hip Hop Video: Drake- “Hold On (We’re Going Home)”
Best Male Video: Ed Sheeran- “Sing”
Best Female Video: Katy Perry-“Dark Horse”
Best Pop Video: Ariana Grande and Iggy Azalea – “Problem”
Best Rock Video: Lorde-“Royals”
MTV Artists to watch: Fifth Harmony – “Miss Movin On”