Hey Eagle Nation! Gossip Gus here.

Spring has officially arrived, and the Armstrong Campus Theatre Department is about to hatch one bloody egg.

With mere days from the premier of “Carrie: The Musical”—I’ve been advised of some bizarre rituals the cast has performed to ensure the musical will be as accurately sinister as possible.

Ready for the low down? An inside source has advised me that the Steven King story has inspired the cast to become a soul-selling coven.

“This production has really brought us all together,” an anonymous cast member told me. “We really love the story and want to do Daddy Stevie King right by putting on the bloodiest musical possible.”

The blood being used in the musical is reportedly that of protestors of the production.

“Anyone who opposes us will be silenced,” another anonymous cast member warned. “We have a seance at the end of every rehearsal and our props team has over a hundred weapons on hand. Mess around and see what happens.”

The musical will premiere on Friday, April the 13th. Attendance is mandatory and complimentary Kool-aid will be provided.

Will you be attending? I wouldn’t miss it for the world.

And who am I, you ask? That’s one secret I will never tell. You know you love me

XOXO Gossip Gus.

Editor’s Note: This article is satirical. Or is it?