Black History Month had just passed, yet I sat on the couch staring at my small TV on March 1st; on the screen were two women. The Civil War had just broken out, and the South was falling to pieces. In Alabama, the Jackson plantation experienced no better fortune. The plantation is gone, and it is up to the women to keep the mansion afloat. Easter Hayley, a mixed-race slave, holds the wrists of Mistress Lizzy to stop her sorrow-filled punches as she screams out, “It’s just us women’s now. We got to help each other.”

They helped each other, even though they were on ‌opposite sides of history. Mistress Lizzy tilled the dirt for cotton while Easter’s daughter, Queen, a combination of her and the plantation owner’s passion, encouraged her and gave out the tasks.

They had to help each other. 

The future of women depended on supporting each other through good times and bad times. We should see each other as allies and not as enemies. Be a “girl’s girl”, right? The term coined itself on TikTok as women who make space and support women of all different backgrounds. It is women who stand by each other in solidarity when faced with conflict. How did the term come to be so misconstrued?

The Girl’s Girl Paradox

Your best friend’s breakup was three weeks ago. Since then, she hasn’t left her room. The air is stale; the blinds are closed, and she’s skipping work and class. You can hear her crying through the door. You’re exhausted from “holding space,” and your other friends are rolling their eyes, calling her “weak” and “male-centered” for letting a man ruin her life.

What would you do?

A.) The “Venter” (Gossip & Judge): You join the group chat. You agree that she’s being “totally pathetic” and “obsessed with him.” You tell the others, “I’m over it. If she wants to ruin her life over a mediocre guy, that’s on her.” You distance yourself because her “low-vibe” energy is draining yours.

B.) The “Enabler” (Ignore & Affirm): You leave a Gatorade at her door and walk away. You don’t want to “overstep” or make her feel judged, so you tell her through the door, “Take all the time you need, babe! You’re doing great!” even though you know she’s actually falling apart and needs an intervention.

C.) The “Gritty Ally” (Confront & Clean): You walk in without asking, open the blinds, and tell her: “I love you, but this room smells like him and sadness, and we’re done.” You don’t judge her for being “male-centered”; you acknowledge her pain is real, but you refuse to let her drown in it. You help her shower and change the sheets, even if she’s mad at you for forcing her to move.

Sometimes, being a girl’s girl ‌requires life-saving interventions; yes, plural.

Further isolating them and ostracizing them pushes them further into their past partner’s grasp. Yes. Being a girl’s girl is telling her that her mascara is smudged and going on expensive shopping trips while being ‘college student broke’. It’s also noticing that your friend is slowly falling behind and helping her crawl until she can run alongside you.

You can’t force anyone to accept your help, but you certainly can disrupt the depression and try.

That makes you more of a girl’s girl than you realize.