How to not die on a week of chaos

It’s that time of year again: skirts are getting shorter, alcohol consumption is increasing and concern about classes is nonexistent. Spring break 2k14 is almost in full heat, and this is your survival guide.

Drink recipes

“Beer before liquor, never been sicker; liquor before beer, you’re in the clear” -Old College Proverb

• Water, Crystal Light and rum make for a hydrating, yummy, healthy drink that’s easy to mix. Bonus: there’s no hangover.

• Mix vodka, water and Mio for a simple, “it-changes-everything” drink.

• Combine 1/2 gallon of whipped cream vodka, 1 1/4 gallons orange soda, 1/4 gallon Red Bull for a large portion of cream cycle hunch punch.

• Coconut rum mixed with diet coke is a classic drink that never gets old.

• Coffee, hot chocolate and Kahlua is a warm drink alternative for those cool beach nights.

• Bacardi Dragon Berry strawberry rum and Mountain Dew will make for a yummy drink that packs a punch.

Hangover Cures

“A real hangover is nothing to try out family remedies on. The only cure for a real hangover is death.” – Robert Benchley, ye old American columnist

• Alka-Seltzer Morning Relief
•  Pedialyte
•  Drink at least a glass of water before you go to bed, and don’t drink alcohol after that.
• Greasy breakfast
• Gatorade, Powerade, that sort of stuff
• Pain relievers
• Getting up and doing physical activity

Tips for not dying

“Love is fleeting, herpes is forever” – Justin Welborn, “Blue Like Jazz”

• Don’t drink and drive.

• Riptides suck – no pun intended.

• Sunburn is no fun. Wear sunscreen.

• No glove, no love.

• Watch “Spring Breakers” and take notes. Don’t do anything anyone in that movie did.

• Don’t have sex, you will get pregnant and die.

Got sunburn?

“A vacation is sunburn at premium prices” – Hal Chadwicke, a quotable man worth quoting

• Aloe Vera is your new best friend.

• A bath in baking soda and water will work wonders.

• Skin moisturizers. Period.

• One word: potatoes. Cut up a potatoes and pour them into a blender, blend until they are goopy, add a little bit of water. Pat the burned area with the potato goop. Wait for it to dry, then take a cool shower to rinse it off.

Stuck in Statesboro? Day trips!

“Thanks to the interstate highway system, it is now possible to travel from coast to coast without seeing anything.” – Charles Kuralt, a journalist from back in the day

• Charleston, S.C.:

154 miles, 2 hours 35 minutes from Statesboro

Best days to visit: Wednesday or Friday, high of 68, low of 55. most likely rain on Thursday.

This charming city is a great place to spend a day: art, shopping on King Street, chilling on Folly Beach and great night life. It’s a step up from Savannah.

• Hilton Head, S.C.:

87.1 miles 1 hour and 27 minutes from Statesboro

Best day to visit: Wednesday or Friday, highs of 69, lows of 52

A great beach and Tanger Outlets, a great combo.

• Savannah, Ga.:

54.8 miles, 55 minutes from Statesboro

Best days to visit: MONDAY (St. Paddy’s bash), but really any day but Thursday. Highs of 72, lows around 60

River Street has tons of bars to make for a great night. There’s also a beach and shopping.

• Brunswick/St. Simons Island, Ga.:

114 miles, 1 hour and 46 minutes from Statesboro

Best Days to visit: Any day but Wednesday, highs of 71 lows of 50

A quiet little town and island in the Golden Isles, this is the perfect, quiet getaway for a relaxing day. If you enjoy nature, Jekyll Island offers a natural sanctuary to take in the warm beach air and beautiful scenery.

What to do if you’re stuck in Statesboro . . . . For those of us who are about that #BoroLyfe 24/7.

Relax. This week you can actually do it without feeling bad for procrastinating on that midterm paper (and skipping that 8 a.m. that you’re already failing).

Treat yourself. Use the money you’re saving by staying home this week to treat yourself to that much-needed shopping trip at one of downtown Statesboro’s many shops and boutiques including Frills by Scott.

Watch a movie. “Divergent,” Veronica Roth’s young adult dystopian tale, will hit theaters Friday, March 21.

Take a day trip. Celebrate St. Paddy’s Day in style by heading to Savannah’s Annual St. Patrick’s Day Festival. For safety reasons, please wear a helmet. I’ve heard tripping on those cobblestones can inflict serious injuries.

Netflix binge. To the rare few who haven’t watched “House of Cards,” it’s not too late to hop on the bandwagon. But really, why haven’t you watched “House of Cards” yet?

Play video games. “Final Fantasy X” and “Final Fantasy X-2” will be re-released in HD on Tuesday, March 18. “Infamous: Second Son” will also be released Friday, March 21.

Have a night out. Brush up on your useless knowledge by heading to Mellow Mushroom for Trivia Night on Wednesday or head to 40 East Grill on Friday to hear the musical stylings of Bubba Lewis from 7 – 9 p.m.

Or a night in. Brush up on your knowledge of the female handbook by watching MTV’s “Girl Code” marathon on Tuesday from 4 – 6:30 p.m., then catch up on some “Teen Mom” ratchetness from 7 – 10 p.m.