There aren’t words that I have to describe the feeling of waking up today, officially cancer-free.
5 years ago today, on February 28th, 2019, I woke up in a hospital bed, both excited and terrified for what was ahead.
I had spent the previous week receiving max doses of chemotherapy and sleeping to prepare for that day.
My nurses paraded in with songs and laughter, bringing in the large bag of cells that would be my life-saving bone marrow transplant from a stranger I had never met.
There was nothing easy about my transplant, and the 61-day hospital stay, countless complications, and years of medications and treatments mean I will never be the same person I was before, but it undoubtedly saved my life.
It gave me so many incredible memories and experiences that I would have otherwise never experienced.
I met my donor, Tony, in 2020.
This past weekend, he came to celebrate this milestone with my family, friends, and me.
5 years since my transplant, 5 years of remission, and an incredibly officially cancer-free life.
We held a celebration, to which friends, family, nurses, and fellow survivors showed up. I felt honored to have my community celebrate this with me.
But I also couldn’t help but feel the absence of those who couldn’t be there, not just at the party but when I woke up this morning. Mixed with feelings of gratitude and absolute joy, was also a feeling of emptiness. I have been undoubtedly blessed to have many “cancer friends”, many of whom are now my angels.
But as I get up today I also remember the lessons my angels and this journey have taught me:
- The small moments are the big ones. Nights playing cards with my nurses, and laughing at a movie with my best friend Monica, are the moments that I remember most.
- Kindness comes from everywhere and costs nothing. Small smiles and texts were so helpful when it was tough.
- You only have one life, you are the one who gets to decide what to do with it. Listen and believe in yourself.
