Let’s be honest, you’re not going to the RAC anymore, and you’re not going to get the spring break body of your dreams. It’s time to drown the sorrows in alcohol and milkshakes.

The George-Anne is so graciously filling your lives with an in depth analysis of the shake scene in Statesboro. Sydney Jordan, junior pre-business major, Madison Reynolds, senior multimedia film and video production major and I have attempted to grade milkshakes on four categories that we believe to be the most relevant to college students. The categories we chose are: price (because we’re all broke), calories (because we’re all fat, and apparently one would be concerned with calories when eating shakes), consistency (because who wants to have a soupy shake or try to drink ice cream through a straw), and taste.

The only shake that every restaurant in Statesboro had in common was a chocolate milkshake. Almost everyone had vanilla except for Zaxby’s; what the heck Zaxby’s?

That’s okay though. Let’s answer the long-awaited question: Whose milkshake brings all the boys to the yard?

Overall Winner:

1. Chick-fil-A: Chick-fil-A received the best scores in price, calories, consistency, and flavor landing it the prestigious award of “Best Shake in the ‘Boro.”

2. Steak ‘n Shake: SNS was so close to receiving the “Best Shake in the ‘Boro” award. It was only topped by CFA in the consistency category.

3. Dairy Queen: Though DQ did not excel in any categories, it ranked above average in all categories winning it the bronze medal in the Statesboro Shakes Olympics.

Price: TBH we’re broke college students looking for a cheap shake.

1. McDonald’s: Mickey D’s offered the most affordable shake at only $1.99 for a small shake.

2. Arby’s: Arby’s came in close behind McDonald’s with a small shake costing $2.07.

3. Sonic: A sonic mini-shake was the third most affordable at $2.24.

Calories: Who Had the Lowest Cal Shake?

1. Checkers: If you’re craving a shake, but don’t want to consume a meal’s worth of calories eating one, Checkers had the lowest calorie chocolate shake at 350 calories.

2. Arby’s: Arby’s came in second place with 449 calories per small chocolate shake.

3. Steak ‘n Shake: Steak ‘n Shake came in second place with only 550 calories per small chocolate shake.

Consistency: Because who wants a shake that’s too thick to drink (CookOut)? #Shade

1. Chick-fil-A: CFA’s chocolate shake had nearly perfect consistency. It was thick, but not too thick. It could be sipped through a straw with minimal effort.

2. Baskin-Robbins: Baskin-Robbins was a close second. This shake was a tad more runny than Chick-Fil-A, but it was still delicious.

3. Steak ‘n Shake: Steak ‘n Shake was also close, but was more runny than Chick-fil-A and Baskin-Robbins. It left some thickness to be desired.

Best Flavor: Flava Flav

1. Baskin-Robbins: If you’re looking for taste, Baskin-Robbins is no doubt the place to go. It had a rich chocolate-y taste that no other restaurant compared to.

2. Chick-fil-A: Chick-fil-A came in second for flavor. Though chocolate-y, it did not compare to Baskin-Robbins.

3. Steak ‘n Shake

Honorable Mention:

Cook Out: This restaurant, surprisingly, did not excel in any of our rankings, but we would be amiss not to award honorable mention to the restaurant with the most shake variety in Statesboro. Cook Out has 42 flavors year round and 3 seasonal flavors. Such variety. Much diversity.