Graduation “To Do” List: Part 4


Matt Sowell

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Weeks: 4
Days: 32
Hours: 768

18) Find a cure for Senioritis
“Ten pages double spaced,” echoes through your disoriented head as you stumble out of your upper level filler course. You almost trip as you walk back to your car. “I thought I was done,” you say to a nearby goose who has been following you for at least three weeks. It looks at you, seeing deeper inside of you than most animals, realizes you don’t have any bread or human body parts, and begins to waddle away descending back into the depths of hell.

17) The Health Center
Instead of taking your daily nap, you make the responsible decision to take yourself to the health center. You enter the lobby, fill out some paper work and wait. After you’re called back, you explain your symptoms. “Headaches, lethargic, tired” you explain. “Have you been tested for HIV?” asks the doctor. “No, but I’m pretty sure I’m-,” you’re interrupted by the grim look on the doctor’s face. “What?” you ask. They tell you to wait in the exam room and hand you a catalog of coffins to pass the time while they go get you a test. Several hours later, after the test, you break the silence. “Well?” you say timidly, voice shaking. “Oh, I forgot to tell you your results. You’re fine, just get more sleep.” You leave.

16) Go to a bar
You decide that the best thing to get you out of this funk is some TLC (Tindr, Lies, and something clever that starts with C). You plan a night at GATAs with your friends. While in GATAs, you see your old fling from freshman year. They’re older, better looking, and wasted. “Hi!” you tell them. You both hit it off as though no time has passed. “So what’s new? Any plans after graduation?” They smile and look at the floor. “It’s okay!” You say, “I don’t have any plans either.” They look up. Just when you’re about to make your move, they answer “oh, I’m actually married.” “Oh, good” you answer, voice cracking. You back away and take another shot of water, because you can’t afford booze.

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