Graduation “To Do” List Part 8


Matt Sowell

Days: 3
Hours: 72
Minutes: 4,320

5) The Last Party
What do you get when you drink half a bottle of straight vodka, a Red Bull and regret? Your last college party. You decide to go hard because, in a week, this much alcohol in one sitting is a problem. You go hard, I mean real hard.
You go so hard that you see yourself as a freshman. There’s so much hope in your eyes and such a smile on your face. You’re disappointed in yourself. What would your freshman self think of the person you’ve become? Then you realize, you’ve become the person you wanted to be. You’ve kind of got your life together, you graduated in a reasonable amount of years, and you’ve got some big dreams. You smile, because of pride, and then vomit, because of vodka.

4) Saying Goodbye
While at the party, you make your rounds and say goodbye to everyone you’ve ever met at Southern. You say goodbye to people you’ve only talked to once, you say goodbye to your closest friends, you say goodbye to Andrew Ellingson, who really wanted a shout out in this thing, and you say goodbye to Ghost Erk because he only haunts you while you’re at GSU. Eventually, you find yourself saying goodbye to the party owner’s dog. You are suddenly hit by a large wave of nausea. Man, you can’t party like you used to.

3) Finals
Just kidding, we all know that your motivation tank is as empty as the promise of a bus system that runs by Sweetheart Circle. Instead, you spend all of the time that you would normally spend studying by hanging out at Gnats with everyone you love. You laugh, cry, realize you still don’t have a job, cry some more, remember memories, cry even more, and eat some desert.
You then go pick up your cap and gown. You go to take a picture in front of the GSU bushes at the front of Sweetheart Circle. You’re shocked to find a literal sea of people in front of it, you wait in line until Friday.

2) Graduation Ceremony
Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. You didn’t fall walking across the stage! Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. Is that President Keel hiding in the ferns?! Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. Freedom is flying over us! Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. Wait, it’s over?

1) Sweetheart Circle
After a day of food, celebrating, laughing, reminiscing, crying and smiling, you’re beat. You lay in bed unable to sleep. You text your closest friends and tell them to meet you at the stadium. Once there, you hear the fake bells at the library chime midnight. The three of you walk from the stadium to Sweetheart Circle.
You don’t say much, you’re too busy remembering the good. Once you’re there, you walk to the middle of Sweetheart and look up at the sky. Southern prepared you for whatever is going to happen next, and you know things are going to be okay. Freedom flies over the moon, like Santa in a terrible Christmas special, and squawks “Hail Southern!” “Hail Southern!!” You scream back.

This article is satirical. The Circle encourages readers to please drink responsibly, yes, even graduates.