There is a moment
In the transition between
sleep and awakeness
Where thoughts are nonexistent,
And I am in a state of
blissful ignorance.
I have found in my darkest moments,
in my most heartbreaking moments,
in my moments
without you,
that I am
Safe here.
There are no “What ifs.” No anxieties. No regrets.
There is no you.

But then

I start to stir and my mind
realizes
that I am waking and
all the memories
and the what ifs
and the anxieties
and the regrets come
slowly
and then all at once, and I am
Reminded of all the things I wanted to forget,
reminded of the freckles that scatter across the bridge of your nose
like stars or the
clear blue of your eyes, the kind of blue I imagined the eye of a
hurricane
to be or how you tilted your head
back when you laughed or how you
used to entwine our fingers
together
absentmindedly,
as if it was just instinct to put
your hand in mine,
and then I
reach out
beside me and am reminded
that your side of the bed is still
empty
and cold.

*****

Hope Noelle Walker is a double major in writing & linguistics and English with a minor in multimedia journalism. When other people’s words aren’t filling her head, she writes her own.