The 13 Step Guide to Beating Depression

The 13 Step Guide to Beating Depression

Miscellany Editor

  1. of those “vacations,” or whatever they’re called. Someone who can afford to not work every day told me about it. 
  2. cents from your mother. Because, Ma had to beat it too.
  3. of your closest friends, on the back porch over a cigarette. You share a butt; you share a bond. 
  4. shots of whiskey, but never alone. Even the smoothest oak barrel taste won’t mask the sadness of drinking by yourself.
  5. slices of pizza. I prefer domino’s: it’s cheap and near my house. 
  6. episodes of your favorite TV show. Yes, I’m sure if you handle things the same way Damon Wayans or David Schwimmer would, things will turn out just fine.
  7. days a week that are yours to make the most of. Don’t let anyone fuck up your day.
  8. hours of REM sleep. I fell asleep listening to R.E.M last night, you should try it. 
  9. is my lucky number. 9 of anything will get the job done, right?
  10. digits you deleted, but that’s okay. You don’t need anyone who doesn’t need you!
  11. reasons why you should stay in bed all day, or pack up all your shit and move across the country, or heaven forbid, end it all
  12. reasons why you absolutely fucking shouldn’t do any of those things
  13. You don’t.

No one ever really does.

Same series, different episode of 
whatever shit-show the universe wrote for us this week.
We put depression in a rear naked choke until it submits,
or until our muscles give out.

And we give in.


Keegan Woods is a junior multimedia film and production major with a minor in writing. His dream is to have a show on Netflix. When he’s not writing poetry or filming things, he works as an assistant manager at Zaxby’s.