The Campus CATastrophe


Students, it is of the utmost importance that I inform you of the following alleged events occurring on Armstrong Campus. For months, an Inwell reporter has been undercover with the Friends of Cats (FOC) organization to uncover their nefarious alliance with the feline residents on campus. After undergoing a series of cryptic and moderately traumatizing initiation steps as well as pledging their allegiance to President Marrero’s cat: Meowro, our reporter was finally able to break the ranks.
Working with the FOC, campus cats are growing more organized by the day. Several witnesses claim to have stumbled upon large gatherings of the cats in the International Gardens while the members of the FOC were seen to be serving the cats food and being forced into perpetual petting. It’s been days since we’ve heard back from these witnesses, so if you stumble across these gatherings, we advise you to turn the other way.
Our undercover reporter said they have witnessed the cats gaining intelligence. They have reported hearing hushed whispers when leaving the room. Also, the campus cats have been growing more aggressive in nature. Instead of fleeing into the bushes when approached, as per their usual manner, the cats are now barreling full-force towards students forcing them to run in the other direction. They have also been seen slashing students’ tires in the Science Drive parking lot.
We are unsure of what they are planning. We can only advise you to stay aware and stay equipped with your school-issued spray bottled.


Editor’s Note: This article is satirical. Or is it?