Gossip Gus: GSU to Ban Beloved Children’s Classic.

Editor’s Note: This article is satirical and is not meant to be taken seriously.


Hey Eagle nation, Gossip Gus here! You know I’ve always got the hot deets on the happenings at Georgia Southern. This new information that I’ve stumbled upon this week is no exception.

A close source has told me that one of my personal favorite books from childhood is on the cusp of being banned at all public schools in Georgia.

This book is none other than “If You Give an Eagle a Gumdrop.” It follows the madness that might ensue should you make the risky decision to feed a gumdrop to an eagle.

“It is entirely too violent and outlandish,” one member of the board to get the book banned advised.

“The part where the eagle asks for ice cream with crickets on top chills me to the bone,” said a concerned parent. “I don’t want my children reading such filth.”

This story is a realistic portrayal of what happens when you offer a real-life eagle any form of confection.

Research shows that sweets make eagles freak out. It is scientifically proven.

Should this book be banned, many students would not be aware of such dangers. Those ramifications are deadly.

I’ll continue to indulge in this soon-to-be-banned classic until my feathers turn grey.

And who am I, you ask? That’s one secret I’ll never tell.

You know you love me,


Gossip Gus