Weekly Forecast with the Nihilistic Astrologer

I Was Going to Print All the Horoscopes But Then I Thought, What’s the Point?


Alright, this week Jupiter is in Leo and is forming a rare angle (whatever nonsense that means) with Uranus in Aries. That rare angle is here to remind you that you are not the center of the solar system, despite what your mom and all those astrology books you read led you to believe. You’re as special as that jar of Hellman’s that has been sitting in your fridge, unopened, since your dad last visited six months ago.

Did reading this sentence suddenly make you feel 20 pounds lighter? That’s you finally shedding your giant ego. Isn’t it wonderful to realize how insignificant you actually are? As Morty from “Rick and Morty” said, “Nobody exists on purpose. Nobody belongs anywhere. Everybody’s gonna die. Come watch TV. ”