Fall in the ‘Boro

Matt Sowell

Dealing with Statesboro weather: A flow chart

You feel that? That ever so slight chill in the air that promises fall is on its way? Don’t trust it. Statesboro weather is about as reliable as “Netflix and chill” It’s why most college students have trust issues. You can either embrace your denial and wear flannel next week when it’s ninety degrees again, or accept defeat and wear shorts when the temperature drops to the mid-thirties the day after it’s ninety. We at The George-Anne care about you and want you to get the most out of this “almost fall” weather we’re experiencing. We present to you a handy flow chart so that you can better plan your fall here in the ‘Boro.

Start here: Oh boy! Its fall, it’s- (go left for hot and right for cold)

Hot: Denial. You want it to be fall but it’s just not. In fact, it’s probably 100% humidity. Put on your jeans, and flannel, when you walk outside you realize that yesterday’s temperatures were just a cruel spirited joke by the weather gods. Screw it; this is fall and dammit, it’s going to be a great day. Next you (go left to ride bus, right to walk)

Ride the bus to class: you’ve accepted your fate and it ends here. You get a little sweaty on the bus but you know what? You’re going to be fine. This is Statesboro, it’ll be cold in a few weeks. Accept defeat and venture through your day.

Walk to class: Wow, you’re still in denial that fall just is not a thing here aren’t you? You walk to class and get sweaty, I’m talking frat guy at a football game sweaty, its rank. But you’re persistent. It’s time for coffee, that’s what you do in the fall, you go to Starbucks and order your Pumpkin Spice Latte, but is it a (Frappuccino or a hot drink?)

Frappuccino: Started at the bottom now we here. At least it taste like fall, right? You accept that you’re probably just going to have to wear shorts for the next few weeks. You can look at your fall Pinterest board while in an air conditioned room. It’s fine, it’s going to be okay, just stay strong okay? You CAN even.

Hot Drink: The leaves may not be red, but your face sure is. You’ve sweated through your flannel and smile like a maniac as you pass your friends. “I just love fall, omg don’t you just love fall?” you say as tears stream down your face. You flash a broken smile and go lay in sweetheart circle. You bake to a nice medium rare where you’ll be served to the campus geese.

Cold: Open your window, get dressed listening to fallish music, whatever that is, and grab a pumpkin spice latte. Put on your jeans and flannel, it’s going to be a great day! Obviously, you walk to class because this weather is so fetch. But you’re faced with a delima; do you (skip class or go).

Skip class: Yeah, this weather is great and all, and sweetheart circle is the place to be on cool-crisp days, but should you have really done that? I mean we’re on week four, school is just now getting real. That’s right, the anxiety is creeping in. Sip that pumpkin spice latte and pretend like God doesn’t see you skipping that econ class, there was probably a quiz today. You failed, failed I tell you.

Go: Going to class on a day like today? Really? Ah well, at least you won’t miss anything. Gaze out the window and take in the beautiful fall weather, look at all of your friends frolicking freely on the pedestrian. This is college, isn’t it great? Start day dreaming about jack-o-lanterns, pumpkin pie, and hay rides. Man oh man is this going to be a great semester. Doodle fall things instead of taking notes. Class ends and you walk outside, but do you (accept Statesboro weather or live in denial)

Accept Statesboro weather: Holy cow, it’s like nine thousand degrees out, what happened to the nice fall weather form this morning? It’s going to be okay though, the weather here is as unreliable as being able to get on a bus from Forrest Drive at four o’clock. It’s going to be cool soon child, accept the cards that were dealt to you.

Live in denial: You go to Starbucks and order another pumpkin spice latte as a hot drink. (There should be an arrow from this one back up to the “hot drink” one from the warm weather options)