Georgia Southern: a “House of Horrors”

Matt Sowell

There’s a sinister chill in the air that sends ominous chills down your spine. Your breath appears in front of you as you exhale a sigh. Why? Because the professor has the temperature on -12 degrees. Let’s be honest: College is a scary place, especially ours. We, fellow eagles, go to a school that can be quite foreboding. Without further ado (and instead of Buzzlist) I give you: The five scariest places on campus.

1. The fourth floor of Club Hendy: You walk silently and swiftly through the narrow rows of books looming around you as you realize that this place is scary. It’s quiet, along the walls are seemingly-dead bodies recovering from last night, and everyone is making suspicious eye contact because they think you *might* be the person they want to hook up with from Yik Yak.

2. The weight area of the RAC: to someone uneducated in the art of weight lifting and who is pretty adequately out of shape (me), this terrifying area looks like Frankenstein’s lab. Around you are contraptions that would make “Saw” proud. Not only that, but you’re surrounded by guys who could step on you and kill you.

3. The Math and Physics building: it looks innocent from outside, but upon entering you realize you’re in a labyrinth of pure hellish terror. Dead ends, stairways to nowhere, and tight hallways surround you. It’s like you’re in an episode of “The Twilight Zone”. Legend has it, every year at least one freshman will be damned to roam the halls forever as a reminder that no one will escape. If you don’t suffer, your GPA will. The act of passing the classes in there are even more challenging than finding them.

4. The Health Center: You’re coughing, shivering from your low grade fever and Web MD told you that you probably have HIV. As if this fate wasn’t bad enough, you’re now locked in a former broom closet that is now an office as a nurse asks you very personal questions about that one-night-stand you had a month ago. It’s nightmarish as you follow her through the twist and turns, past people who probably have Ebola.

5. Statesboro Walmart: Technically, this isn’t on campus, but it’s as much a part of Georgia Southern as therapy is needed after watching “Human Centipede.” This hellish place was (probably, but not really) alluded to in both Dante’s “Inferno” and “Revelations”. None shall find what they came here for, and all will suffer the trials and tribulations of waiting in a checkout line until the very soles of your feet rot away. On top of that, you’re surrounded by people who look as though they belong in the family of “Honey Boo Boo” (which, by the way, is cancelled.)

Have a #Spooky Halloween, Eagle Nation.